The Stories We Tell

I was finishing breakfast the last morning of a father & son event for a military unit when one of the dads approached my table.  The dad, Drew, was sporting a big smile when he knelt beside my chair.  “You’re not going to believe what happened!” he said.  He had my attention. 

Two days earlier the fathers and sons did an activity called “When I Was Your Age.”  Our children only know us as adults, so the goal of this activity was for fathers to share stories about when they were growing up and then sons to share the major memories they have at their current age.  Drew had been absent for most of his son, Luke’s life.  He and his wife divorced when Luke was a baby, and Drew had been deployed every year since Luke was born.   He knew very little about his son’s life.   After sharing stories about when he was Luke’s age, Drew looked at his son and said, “Tell me stories about your life.”  Luke, who was nine at the time, paused, looked down and said, “Dad, I don’t have any stories.”  It was like a dagger to Drew’s heart. 

The next afternoon we played All Camp Capture the Flag, a popular camp game.  The camp is divided into two teams.  Each team dons war paint and is given a flag.  The goal is for each team to capture the other team’s flag and safely bring it back to their own base without being tagged by the opposing team.  If you are tagged holding the other team’s flag, you must drop the flag and the other team’s defender surround it.  You, in the meantime are taken to jail.  With normal guys, Capture the Flag is great fun.  With elite soldiers the energy level zooms.    

As the teams dispersed, Drew watched the other team as they raced away with their flag.  He and Luke quietly did a flanking move, and stealthily crept up the side of the hill, just behind the other team’s base.  They watched as their own team members tried valiantly to steal the flag only to be tagged and carted off to jail. 

Adrenaline pumped through Luke’s body as he watched the action taking place below him.  It was adventure of the highest nature - he and his dad together, doing something dangerous.  It was a feeling he had never felt before. 

Quietly Drew leaned over to Luke and said, “If our team is going to win, someone must sacrifice themselves for the team.  And that someone is going to be us.”  He quickly laid out the plan and Luke smiled.  At just the right moment, they leapt into action, charging over the hill and racing toward the flag.  The other team didn’t see them coming until they were almost at the flag.  Drew reached down, grabbed the flag, and began to run.  Immediately he was tagged, but his plan worked.  He had drawn all of the guards in his direction.  As Drew dropped the flag another team member, surrounded by supporters raced in from behind the guards and grabbed the flag.   As a unit, they raced toward their base. 

In the meantime, Drew and Luke walked toward jail with one of their captors, unsure of the events that were unfolding.  As they entered the jail, the jailer’s walkie-talkie squawked and they heard the message. Their team had just won.  Luke leaped in the air and grabbed his dad.  “Dad,” he said, “now, I have a story to tell.” 

---------

Luke will probably remember that story forever.  He really does have a story to tell.  A story that is better than Capture the Flag and winning the game.  His will be a story of camaraderie between father and son; a story of sacrificing yourself for the good of the team; a story of adventure, courage, and hope.  Ultimately, a story of love. 

Stories like that are the foundation of greatness. 

All of us define ourselves by the stories we tell.  Our identity, our history, even our future is shaped by the stories we tell about who we are, how life is lived, what matters and other important beliefs.  But it gets even more fascinating.  It appears that what we remember is less about the actual facts of the story and more about the meaning we give to what happened.

Of all the stories that we tell the most important stories have their origin in the family.  Family is the place where everything begins.  Identity is formed, values are shaped, and world-view is created - all within the family unit.   

It makes me think of a question.

What’s your story?  What are the stories you tell yourself about who you are?  Are they liberating or limiting?

If you are a parent the question has a second part; what’s the story that your family is telling? Does your family's stories liberate everyone in the family to find their path?  

by John Brantley