Four Keys to Great Relationships

For years I have used behavior profiles to help people understand their own behavior patterns and how to understand and relate to others.  The Myers-Briggs and the DISC Personal Profile are the most common, but there are dozens available online, many at no cost.  These simple and powerful tools can open new insights to build great relationships with those you love the most. 

All behavior profiles are built on four principles.  When applied, these principles are the building blocks for great relationships with every member of your family.

1. Everyone wants to be respected for the unique person that they are.  Everyone is unique.  We have different skills and abilities.  We may be in the same family, but we look at life in a slightly different way.  Building great relationships begins by first recognizing and affirming that uniqueness in every family member.  Most families encourage conformity - thinking and acting alike.  The truth is - we don’t all think and act alike.  Stronger relationships are built by celebrating each person’s uniqueness.  Plus, when people feel valued and appreciated they are better able to value and appreciate themselves.  This ability to affirm and love self is the core building block of high self-esteem, confidence, and success.
2. If you observe people, they leave clues about how they want to be treated.  If principle #1 is true, then principle #2 reveals the path to respect each other’s uniqueness.  We all leave clues about how we want to be treated.  Yes, everyone wants to be treated with dignity and respect.  The clues you are looking for, though, are more specific.  Some people are more direct.  Some are more indirect.  Some are task oriented while others are people oriented.  Whatever someone’s patterns, there is a way they like to be approached and treated.  Decipher the code, and you open the door to empower them and build awesome relationships.  Some people need more space.  Others need less space.  Some are huggers; others are more reserved.  Some are logical thinkers while others are more conceptual thinkers.  When you remove your emotional filters and begin really observing others, you will discover that the code for relating to them is written in everything they do and say.
3. Treat people as they want to be treated, not as you want to be treated.  Most people live by the Golden Rule – do unto others as you would have them do unto you.  While this is a lofty goal, it is focused on you and not the other person.  Sure you want to be respectful of others, but even then, the Golden Rule can be problematic.  Your definition of respect may be very different than someone else’s definition of respect.  
4. Spend your energy understanding others rather than being understood.  Principle #4 completes the cycle for building a great relationship.  The more you understand others and treat them in a way that affirms their individuality, the more they feel valued and appreciated. 

Then something magical happens. 

When they feel valued and appreciated, they value and appreciate you more.  It creates a powerful win/win.  You can more easily express your needs and get what you need in the relationship because you have first invested in them.  The end result is a strong and loving relationship.

by John Brantley